Merry Christmas? December 25, 2008

Today was hard. I’m not sure how to process my  feelings so I am turning here.  My family has fallen apart and I feel like I am trying to pick up the pieces and choke my way through the holidays…desperately trying to make it special and as happy as possible for them.

I want to enjoy the joy in their faces today but I feel lost in disappointment that I know they will soon face when they grow up and start putting the puzzle pieces together.

Not to mention the lonliness of being alone through the holidays when you are the type of person who loves giving and being a special part of anothers life. I know my patience and devotion to waiting for God’s plan will pay off but sometimes it just gets rough.

On the other hand, I am so grateful to my family. I am still living with my parents, the 3 of us in one room so we had a hilarious time trying to leave all of the proper Santa trademarks and gifts in the very bedroom they were sleeping!  Mom and dad made sure I was taken care of by Santa too and had left some extra presents just for me. My stocking was full and so was my heart. My parents always protect me, always try to protect my feelings and my heart.

Our whole family came over…there are like 13 or 15 or some crazy number of us.  We ate a ton and opened up one present at a time from beneathe the tree. It’s a slow but awesome tradition, ensuring each and every person gets a spotlight while its their turn.

Everyone went home for naps and then all reconveined at moms for a honey baked ham dinner.  Another awesome tradition in our home. I am very blessed to be a member of this crazy family. The priorities are in line, maybe not perfect but pretty good to me.  I look forward to the day to complete my little family and have someone by my side to soak all of this in. Until then, keep looking up, having faith and knowing it will be worth the wait.

Merry Christmas.

Favorite Part of My Day October 7, 2008

It was so nice to have my kids back home after a weekend away.  My little man was in such a sweet mood. It was so nice to be able to lay on the floor and just cuddle with him!   That never happens!!!

What True Love Looks Like September 29, 2008

So at first glance all you seem to be looking at is a random office desk, some files and a microwave…right?  Not to me.  You see…look at the left hand side of the photo and you will see a unopened water bottle gently placed atop a randomly  placed microwave…amongst office supplies…strange…?  Not to me.   …let me go back a step…follow me here…

For those of you who do not know…I have recently moved in with my children to my mother and fathers home due to a recent divorce.  Life has been tough but we are loved and extremely grateful to have the unconditional support we receive in this home.  So…my 2 children and I share one bedroom and on nights when I need extra good sleep…which is pretty much every night…my dad allows me to crash on the bed in his office to escape the nighttime grunts and moans of the children….

keep followin me here…

Oftentimes my dad will hear me make my nightly trips (or super early trips) down to the fridge…making a bottle like a zombie…sticking it in the microwave and trying to rush back up the stairs without injuring myself in my sleepy stuper to get the bottle in the mouth before one child wakes the other…exhausting.

So…today I come up to my little office getaway (which is usually less than relaxing with papers flying from one end to the next)…to find everything at peace, organized, and restful…so I thinking “wow, dad was ambitious today!”…and then I look over and my heart melted.  He had done this for me. 

Strategically placed between the desk and the filing cabinet is a lovingly placed microwave…for heating the midnight bottle… along with an unopened bottle of water…to keep me from having to run the gauntlet.  He never says a word, just wants to show love.

Some people want diamonds or elaborate vacations…this is true love.

What a Sweet Child August 10, 2008

Here are a few quote from my almost 3 year old son today…

(As he is laying next to his baby sister, he rolls over and wraps his arms around her and says in her ear) “Don’t worry sissy, I will love you.”

(To mommy as we are resting during naptime watching a movie. Again, rolls over and hugs me) “I love you so so much mommy. You’re the best mommy.”

(In the car as I am in the back seat with the kids) “Mommy, I love you and mommy, you have the most beautiful blue eyes” (although they are green…I’ll take it!)

(To grandma sitting on the steps) “So, Grandma, how was your day today?”

Just One of Those Days August 10, 2008

Today was just one of those days I guess.  I remain grateful and happy that I am healthy, strong and have an absolutely wonderful family.

Sometimes I just get in a funk and am not sure how I got there but I’d sure like to hop on out.  Sometimes life is just tough and you have to take the bad with the good.

So…let’s focus on the good, shall we…

I am fully healthy and strong.  As are my children and close family.

My children do the sweetest and silliest things throughout the day that just make me proud and usually laugh my butt off.

I may be unsure of a lot of my future but I know I can be happy and I know I will be ok….although I do occasionally need to be reminded.

When life gets discouraging and tough, I can remember it is going to thicken my skin and make me stronger.

Someday I will look back after these bumpy times have settled and be proud of how I got through it and the decisions and commitments I made.

My Boy July 10, 2008

It’s been a while and I’m not even sure how ready I am to update this regularly but something so touching and slightly heartbreaking just happened.

Since I have been gone, I have been separated from my husband for 2 months now and have moved in with my folks along with the kids.

Everyone’s focus has been on making this as easy of a transition as possible for the children who are almost 3 and newly 1.

Tonight is night 2 in our new situation at the folks and my son had a little bit of a rough time getting settled in. I went up to check on him and see what was wrong and I think it was just he needed to know what the routine was now that things have changed.

We talked it over and as I thought we were clear I started to walk away and I hear… “mom? is this my home?”  Wow.  I sometimes forget how incredibly in tune he is to emotions and life changes. 

I came back and went over the new “adventure” we were on and what he could expect from here on out.  Afterward, he seemed to calm down and relax a bit more.

It hurts so deeply to know their lives are in turmoil but I just have to do what I feel is best for us all overall.

I love my little boy and girl. They are such special children.

Favorite Part Of The Day June 2, 2008

The phone call talked about below in “Sobering Reflections” post. 

Also, running with my kids in the water at the beach.  We laughed our buns off!  Also, being able to walk there straight from church…and be welcome back to church all sandy and wet!  So many good things all rolled into one!

Great Night, Cool People June 1, 2008

It’s been so long since I have been able to go out, enjoy some food and music with good friends.  What a great time tonight and a rockstar babysitter too!  Love it when things come together!  Long time overdue!

 I am so proud of my kids too.  To have the perfect children for babysitters makes a momma proud!  Balance is a good thing in life…just figuring it all out now.

Dealing With Stress May 26, 2008

So I have been blogging about peace and how I have been handling finding peace pretty well.  Well….this is NOT one of them.

If things do not start leveling out on my end I am going to either turn into a Hershey’s Chocolate Truffle or gain 800 pounds from eating Hershey’s Chocolate Truffles.

And literally…THANK GOD for my parents.  Currently, in order to save me from myself, my mom is over and bathing my kids so I can sit here and vent.  Thanks Mom.  

 

It’s A New Day May 19, 2008

So I choosing the high road this morning…cause I could easily be bitter after the kind of late night I had.

Today we are getting back into our routine.  Can’t focus anywhere else.  Back to the gym and on schedule.

OK too funny…My little boy just waltzed out of his sisters room singing “take care of my hairbrush, take care of my hairbrush” (from the kids series, VeggieTales”) and then proceeded to tell me that what he had in his hands was a “Bokin Naca Bokin Naca”  commonly known as…Legos.  Apparently when they are Bokin Nacas they fly?!