Daddy Patrol April 26, 2008

It’s good to be a baby girl.  You see, I am the youngest of 4 and the only girl.  Sometimes it had its downfalls but still to this day it sure has its perks.

Tonight is our first night in the new home.  We don’t have much in it and I am sleeping on the floor of the living room but I don’t care.  I love it.

So, I was laying on the floor peacefully when I heard a huge crash coming from the backyard (which was right on the other side of the wall where I was at)  I was on the phone when it happened with my husband (who was furious that he couldn’t be there for me) when I immediately hung up and called the Daddy Patrol.

Now I knew from experience what this meant.  Making this call was like calling on the troops…pulling the fire alarm…calling 911….there was no turning back.  Dad was in the car so fast without hesitation.  I was able to peek out my window to see a neighbor who came over and scouted the perimeter.  That was nice and all, but not nearly as soothing as after the Daddy Patrol does his search.

No one is more thorough and detailed.  (Well, my own hubby is…that’s why I picked him…takes a lot to fill the Daddy shoes!)  So dad did his scout and determined we were safe.  Still no idea what the sound was but that doesn’t matter anymore…Daddy said we were safe.

So…thanks Dad.  All you dads out there…you never go out of style!  You never get replaced.  We always need you.  Little girls always need their daddy’s.

Rocky Raccoon April 24, 2008

~~Doo-Doo-Do-Do-Doo-Doo    Doo-Doo-Do-Do-Doo-Doo ~~ 

Well, it seems I have made friends.  Apparently I have been feeding my furry little friend nightly.  Let me go back… I despise taking out the trash.  I would rather stuff the garbage pail so full it overflows into like 3 extra bags lined up on the floor.  Yeah, it’s that bad.  I actually told my husband in pre-marital counseling that on the top of my “expectations list” is to never expect me to do trash.  Pathetic, I know.

Anyway, since he has been gone I have had to take care of this task.  It takes me a year to remember which day is trash day and when I finally do it’s time to move!  So…needless to say I ALWAYS miss trash day.  (my poor brother tried to call me in time this morning to warn me it was my trash day…too late!  Already missed it!)

So…everyday I have the best of intentions and bag the overflowing trashcan and set it on the porch.  And every night my furry little friend feasts.  Oh and he is no polite houseguest.  The thing rips the bags to shreds and leaves the nastiness ALL OVER!  Each day after shoveling crap off my porch I swear I will not let this happen…again!

So tonight I was chillin on the couch when I actually heard his tiny little sounds.  I walked to the window and caught him!!! He stared me down and scattered under the truck.  Gotcha!

VICTORY IS MINE LITTLE BOOGER!!!

 

A Vision In Silk and Heels April 23, 2008

Yeah, you heard me.  All gussied up I decide to hit the old to-do list and kick butt.  I was on a mission.  This house is GOING to get packed.  So I am driving around town after running around like crazy getting random stuff done when I came to the dreaded task.  Collecting boxes.  Grrrrr.

I was remembering the last 5 times I packed up my house and moved (once across country!) by myself (Franc HAPPENED to be out of town on a movie EVERY SINGLE time!) and I was remembering how I accomplished this awful task.  It sucked.  I was at Wal Mart at like 2 am and every other grocer or random shop scavenging for leftovers all huge and pregnant!

So, I actually sat behind my wheel driving down the road audibly praying…”Lord, this is so silly but could you please help me find boxes quickly and efficiently?  I desperatley need to get this done and can’t afford to waste time!”  And then audibly admitted how strange that was.

So…I drove into the first place that “felt right.”  CVS.  I scout the perimeter for a nice, neat pile of boxes waiting angelically for the taking but no luck.  I go in and ask the dreaded question… “Do you have any spare boxes?”  She says…”Yeah…(oh, excitement is building) it’s truck day (Oh, my gosh, how lucky am I?) …but they are all in the dumpster!.”  (Oh Crap.)

So. Now. Still all gussied up I strut to the dump.  mmmhmmm. Here I am standing looking up at this 10 foot tall dumpster as I made this decision.  I’m climbing. You heard me.  Patten leather heels, silk shirt and all.  I had to get so deep in there I was actually head in the dumpster, belly teetering on the edge and heels (great, super hot heels) high up in the air!  Can you believe it!

So I am done on my journey…very proud…as I turn to take my treasures back to my truck as I see a random dude parked in his truck watching my shenanigans!  I was in the lot behind the store!  Why exactly was he there?  Ummm…creepy!  My husband said it was probably a redneck fantasy come true!  HAHAHAHAA!  Yeah, he drove off after I was done! 

Anyway, my chin is back up and I am proud to say I did it!  You heard me!

(Now any of you crazies want to come help me pack them all up?!!!)

Keep This Vibe April 1, 2008

I have been motivated lately to be a positive change…one that I envy in others.  I have a terrific life.  I want to remember that every day.

I have a husband who adores me and would give his soul to save mine.  I have children that cry when I leave them and come to me to kiss their boo boos.  I have family who are tight, strong, and unconditional.  I have a beautiful roof over my head.  I have a luxurious bed to rest my head on.  I have a safe and comfortable vehicle that my children and I enjoy daily without a care.

I have a church family for the first time.  I have friends that I can call at 11pm because I am in need.  I have people to laugh with, people to cry with.  I have great health.  My family is in great health.  I am not in need.  I can afford to buy my family what they need.  I can afford to give to others.

I have so much.  I tend to be a negative person.  I never knew how hard real life was but I am here and I am going to conquer it.  I will not be beaten down.  I can do this.  I am young, time is on my side.  (Next time I am down…remind me to re-read this!)

In the end, I am grateful.

A Very Cool Moment March 31, 2008

Last Sunday at church Drew sang this amazing song that if I could I would have just stood up and asked them to play a hundred times over so I could take in every word, every note.  IT was amazing.  I had never heard it before and looked it up.  Aparently it is pretty popular right now.  It is called “Whatever It Takes” by Lifehouse.

It talks about being willing to do whatever it takes to make a relationship work after pain has been inflicted and hurt has set in.  About realizing what it is you have and begging for it.  In my short but oh what can feel so long marriage, my husband and I have both been on the giving and receiving side of this song so it hit me especially hard.

I was on the phone with my husband who is out of town for 3 months on work and told him about this amazing song our friend had introduced me to and how much it meant to me and made me think of us.  He stopped a second a said that this weekend he was in the car and heard a song he wanted to share with me too.  You guessed it. 

Before I even told him anything about the song he began to explain how it was about just doing whatever it takes to make things right.  I had to stop a moment and rethink if I had let the song title slip and he was just trying to score points or be silly!  Nope!  I played the song over the phone and he was so excited he got goosebumps.

It was such a neat moment to know that our hearts were in the same place.  Maybe a dysfunctional place but hey, sometimes you gotta be grateful for where you are and what you got at that moment!   You can check out the song at vh1.com in their top 20.

PEACE!

5:43am March 25, 2008

Well, I sleep for about 3 hours at a time and then I am up like ready bounce off the walls wide awake.  But by then the meds have worn off so I am trying not to get too excitable so I don’t irritate the dental work.  Ouch.

Sp, I am watching a mediocre movie and it is 5:43am and it is round 3 trying to sleep though the night.  My kids will be up in a while and it seems to make it harder to fall back asleep.  I know my husband and I tear ourselves apart by doing the whole “If I’m asleep right now I could get 5 hours of sleep” and so on.  That is where I am now.

I am off again.  The movie is winding down and hopefully so will I!  Thanks for listening.  Nice to know you all are out there.  I truly enjoy reading about you all and your journies as well.

Good night, or morning, again, and again, and all that.

Kain Pillers… March 25, 2008

Ok, so I am not a recreational  pill popper or drinker or anything of the sort so when I have to take pain meds for something it can get very comical.

 Since last night when I took the first pain med I have been completely dyslexic.  My words and sentences are completely jumbled and sometime it takes about 7 tries to get it out correctly.  Ummm…you think I am kidding don’t you.  Well thank the Lord for the backspace bar when I write.

There are some annoying side effects too!  Well, the obvious…I am wide awake and blogging at 3:04am…and itching like crazy!  What is so enticing about this to some? I feel like a grizzly bear rubbing up on everything trying to get that itch and then it turns into the full on monkey scratching all over your head then it seems to move rapidly across your body!  Aaaahhhhh!!!! Make it stop!  (Oh and ask my husband about the non stop rambling and babbling at all times!  Oh he just loves it.)

 Anyway, thank You Lord for DVR.   

Identity Crisis March 7, 2008

I have been struggling with something lately that I just can’t quite conquer.  I am actively fighting it but sometimes I just find myself feeling lost and not sure where the next step should be.  I have touched on this before in my writings but now I want to really expose it in hopes of enlightening myself to what is going on.  Sometimes I feel like you end up answering your own questions by talking it out.  So here it goes.

I am finding that all of my identity, my worth is tied up in my outward appearance.  This is hard to admit because typically people will judge you off of that statement and write you off as vain or shallow.  Please understand there is more to it.

You see, I never even realized this until the last several months.  It is very sad to me.  I spent my teens an young 20’s being put on a pedestal for doing anything mildly good.  People gave me what I wanted, I got in to places as VIP, I could make anything happen.  I was in denial that it was only my appearance because I knew there was more to me and convinced myself that they saw it too and THAT was why I was getting a free ride or getting off easy.  Boy was I wrong.

I grew up in a shallow school filled with shallow people.  You had to stay beautiful and thin or you had no worth.  Yes, I know how wrong it is but it still doesnt change it.  Men didnt take the time to get to know me…they only had 1 goal in mind.  That was it.  I wanted to believe differently so I did.  That only got me into trouble.  I needed to place more self worth of myself.  I was viewed as a sexual being and slowly I started believing it.  I am still trying to undo all of those years of abuse. 

Now I am faced with an extremely harsh reality.  Almost overnight I got pregnant with my 2nd child and found myself in a new playing field.  I no longer had the body or looks to get me by.  Even now, after the baby is here I  still feel awful about myself.  I am 20 pounds overweight and am walking in circles not knowing who I am anymore.  It is saddening to figure this out but I am determined to dig deeper.  I know I am more than this.  SO much more.  I have great qualities.  But how do I learn to love myself for those reasons?

It may seem juvenile but maybe that is where I need to start from.  Somehow I missed this step and need to go back and redo that path. 

It is a terrible feeling to wonder daily why your husband can love you eventhough you got so fat.  Or worse, wonder if he is upset he picked me becasue I am not a trophy wife anymore so why should he be proud to have me on his arm.  These are thoughts that bombard me daily.  I have learned through all of this just how low my self esteem truly is and it sucks.  It is all a mind game that I have been letting others control for so long.

I have been working out daily to achieve this unatainable perfection.  I want to change my focus.  I still want to be healthy and attractive for my husband and for myself…  However, NOT because I am nothing without it.  I am so scared of mediocrity.  It petrifies me to not be beautiful.  I hide behind it.  It comforts me.  When all else fails at least I have that.   

I hope you do not see me as shallow or vain and understand what I am trying to say.  It is the same as someone who hidees behind anything else…music, alcohol, drugs,…whatever is defining them.  I want to be defined by Christ.  I can honestly (and shamefully) say that I do not know what that is like but I am sure it is good.

I am not sure how it works but I am going to figure it out.  Any suggestions please let em’ fly.   I am off to get some sleep while it is raining.  That is the best.  Thanks for reading.  I look forward to your input. 

Mrs. Lady Jane February 28, 2008

I met Mrs. Lady Jane today by accident.  No, literally…she hit our car. 

I was at the docks waiting to go test my dads new super cool boat out when it took longer than expected so the girls decided to go get food for everyone.  So my friend Kenessa,  my brother’s girlfriend,Jenny and I  hopped into Kenessa’s car to get some grub.  K drove and I sat shotgun with Jenny in the backseat of the compact car.  Anyway, on our way back (we were only like 4 miles from the dock) all of the sudden we look over and notice that the car to our right (it was only a 2 lane road) was coming over and in that slight second you think “surely they will correct their mistake and get back…crash!”  We all screamed as this little old lady sandwiched us with her big old station wagon.

Immediately I went into emergency mom mode and checked on Kenessa’s ability to hold it all together (by the way…she handled it like a rockstar) and began to asses the situation and lead her off to the side of the road.  After realizing we were all unharmed my focus went to “who is this person and what am I going to have to fight against to prove this was not our fault!”  Well, out stepped sweet old Jane. Sure, she was old as dirt and probably shouldnt even have had a license… but I could not help but reach out. She fumbled and shook and just apologized profusely.  She was so upset with herself and embarrassed.

We made the appropriate phone calls and waited for the police.  It must have been slammin’ in the ghettos of the old Palm Coast because they sure did take their time.  So during our good hour with Mrs. Jane we began to get to know her story.  After not too long I realized this meeting was no “accident.”

Mrs. Jane was on her way home from visiting her dying husband in hospice.  He is suffering from demetia.  She has 2 family members left but they live across the nation and in her words her and her husband were not fortunate enough to have children, so she is alone.

She had made a statement that she had never been in an accident before so me, trying to lighten her load made a comment about what a great driving record she must have and she should be proud.  Well, she says (only to break my sappy heart) that she has never driven much because her husband alwaysdid that for her and now he is unable.  How romantic and tragic at the same time.  (She STILL shouldnt have that dang license though! hehaaa)

So after our time together and caring and loving on Mrs Lady Jane we said goodbye but not before we shouted to her “Oh, by the way, you have just adopted 3 grand daughters today!”  She smiled and almost cried.  We told her to call us if she needed assistance or just a friend.  She seemed so genuinely appreciative and was happy to tell us that she would take us up on our offer.

Now, we are not superheroes or ultra wonderful people.  We are average, young girls but it was neat to watch God use us.  The whole time I was with her I kept wanted to invite her to church…granted the bass and drums may but her bedside to her husband…I think she would love the company. (I thought I might wait til after this Sunday’s pornography/sex study…but then I guesss you never know!  so kidding.)

You just never know someone’s story.  I wonder what it would be like if we took the time to get to know one another.  How many people could you reach and touch?  Do you trust God that He will make you capable to offer something so great to one another?

It was a neat experience and so funny that all 4 of us walked away from this situation feeling love, trust, respect, compassion, pride, and so much joy.  It was a freakin’ car accident!  Hello?  Did it shake our brains a little too much? How cool when you let yourself see the light in the midst of a dark situation.  Give it a try!  You may surprise yourself!  I did.

Goodnight, Mrs. Lady Jane.   We will say special prayers for you tonight.

Amaaaazing! February 28, 2008

My husband and I somehow started this little thing with my 2 year old where we use the word “amaaaazing” in a certain tone of voice.  And ANYTHING can be amazing when you are two.  He told his Grandparents over the phone yesterday out of the clear blue that Mickey Mouse was amaaazing!  Who knows where it comes from.

Anyway, many of you who know me know I am a Christian.  But like everyone I am not perfect and sometimes I have a difficult time embracing all that it is to be a Christian.  A Christ follower.  Well, today I came home from “going blue” as I call it at the ladies bilble study and I walked into my house and found myself (not intentionally) saying “Wow, God, You are amaaazing!”  I wasnt trying to be silly but then when I heard myself say it I couldnt help but think of the times we have with our son.

I (unfortunatley) do not often say things like that.  It makes me uncomfortable.  I think it is because the people with whom I have known in my life who talk so “righteously” are usually the ones furthest from the Truth.  So to me, it is a very personal thing the way I feel about God because I think I may appear like them if I audibly praise Him.  Or that maybe people will expect me to be perfect… or even worse…. be malicious and wait for me to fail because I have put my faith out for others to see.

I don’t know what is right or wrong here but I think I will start at caring less what people may think.  Trying to learn to accept myself with all of the bumps and bruises.  Really knowing and embracing the fact that I am imperfect and God really does still love me just as I am.  I used to HATE when people said “embrace” something because it sounded so New Agey and Hollywood… but now I get it.  When used in this manner it is so appropriate and I could not think of a better more fitting word.

God has enlightened me to something specific today.  He actually spoke to me.  (No, not audibly, dummies.)  But it was so clear the feeling I had it was amaaazing!  And you know what…I am going to follow through with it.  I am going to have faith and listen.  Hows that for being preachy! Listen to me go!  (I bet I just lost 50% of my readers because of it too!  Ah well!) 

PEACE and Embrace  (ehehehehhe)