Merry Christmas? December 25, 2008

Today was hard. I’m not sure how to process my  feelings so I am turning here.  My family has fallen apart and I feel like I am trying to pick up the pieces and choke my way through the holidays…desperately trying to make it special and as happy as possible for them.

I want to enjoy the joy in their faces today but I feel lost in disappointment that I know they will soon face when they grow up and start putting the puzzle pieces together.

Not to mention the lonliness of being alone through the holidays when you are the type of person who loves giving and being a special part of anothers life. I know my patience and devotion to waiting for God’s plan will pay off but sometimes it just gets rough.

On the other hand, I am so grateful to my family. I am still living with my parents, the 3 of us in one room so we had a hilarious time trying to leave all of the proper Santa trademarks and gifts in the very bedroom they were sleeping!  Mom and dad made sure I was taken care of by Santa too and had left some extra presents just for me. My stocking was full and so was my heart. My parents always protect me, always try to protect my feelings and my heart.

Our whole family came over…there are like 13 or 15 or some crazy number of us.  We ate a ton and opened up one present at a time from beneathe the tree. It’s a slow but awesome tradition, ensuring each and every person gets a spotlight while its their turn.

Everyone went home for naps and then all reconveined at moms for a honey baked ham dinner.  Another awesome tradition in our home. I am very blessed to be a member of this crazy family. The priorities are in line, maybe not perfect but pretty good to me.  I look forward to the day to complete my little family and have someone by my side to soak all of this in. Until then, keep looking up, having faith and knowing it will be worth the wait.

Merry Christmas.

Just One of Those Days August 10, 2008

Today was just one of those days I guess.  I remain grateful and happy that I am healthy, strong and have an absolutely wonderful family.

Sometimes I just get in a funk and am not sure how I got there but I’d sure like to hop on out.  Sometimes life is just tough and you have to take the bad with the good.

So…let’s focus on the good, shall we…

I am fully healthy and strong.  As are my children and close family.

My children do the sweetest and silliest things throughout the day that just make me proud and usually laugh my butt off.

I may be unsure of a lot of my future but I know I can be happy and I know I will be ok….although I do occasionally need to be reminded.

When life gets discouraging and tough, I can remember it is going to thicken my skin and make me stronger.

Someday I will look back after these bumpy times have settled and be proud of how I got through it and the decisions and commitments I made.

Crazy Beautiful April 29, 2008

That is how I can explain today.  It was disastrous but I’ll take it.  In the end I have my children and I would rather have a bad day with them than a good day by myself.  An amazing word that I have come to love and appreciate is “perspective.” 

Sometime I contemplate putting the word accross my forearm as a constant reminder.  It is such a relevant word, ya know?!

I have come so far in my own mind.  I still suffer from retarded social mess syndrome (it’s a serious condition) but I am learning to just laugh at it and not take myself so seriously.  You know…remove the stick.  Permanently.  I don’t know if I will ever be considered a happy go lucky, free spirited type but I will aim for happy and content.  That is a feat in and of itself!

PEACE OUT, YO!  hehe

 

 

 

Quote of The Day April 22, 2008

Mommy says to 2.5 yr old son, Will: “Can I have a kiss?”  Will kisses mommy, pauses while looking in my eyes and says…”that makes mommy happy.”

Awwww!!!

I’m Back Home And Feelin’ It! April 21, 2008

So, I am back from 2 weeks of being in a hotel room and surprisingly I feel good.  A while back I wrote the entry “Keep This Vibe” about feeling inspired and positive.  Well, I still got it!

I mean, there was maybe 1 moment I almost let myself get down and I recognized it and fought like hell.  You know what…I won.  (Well, God won, really.)

I am going to do a seperate entry on how I have been able to keep it up!

It is just nice to feel happy.  I am grateful.  People in my world are great.

Happy Girl April 4, 2008

It has been interesting this last week trying to keep a more positive outlook on everyday stuff.  I have to say it takes effort but it is worth it.

I didnt think it was possible but there I go with being negative!  Every now and then I get poopy but I have a little chat with myself and I hop back on the happy train.  (Which after saying that sentence makes me sound like I need to have the happy train take me to the looney bin)

My friend Christie blogged about people whining too much..hmmm… I felt that nagging feeling as I was reading.   Could it be?  Nah…not me!  I don’t know if I whine but more so am just grumpy.  Either way…I don’t want to bring people down!  It’s happy Carla time!  (Until I forget my meds the looney bin made me take home!)

 

Home March 21, 2008

Finally home.  It is the best.  My son is so happy too.  He asked every day to go home and sleep in his bed!  Awww, poor kid.  He is in heaven!

Good to be home.  Miss my friends.  Miss my church.  Excited to sing some old hymns this Sunday.  Been a while.  Love em.

Quote of The Day March 7, 2008

Will to Mommy: “Me have happy feet, mommy.”