My parents made it possible for the kids and I to join them on a vacation this past weekend up to Pennsylvania to visit with some really great friends we consider family. It was such a simple and yet wonderful experience. Got a chance to catch up with som, reconnect with others and even reconcile with some you love the most.
Being around such wonderful people is so incredibly rejuvenating. I am so grateful to God for them.
Peace is amazing.
Today was hard. I’m not sure how to process my feelings so I am turning here. My family has fallen apart and I feel like I am trying to pick up the pieces and choke my way through the holidays…desperately trying to make it special and as happy as possible for them.
I want to enjoy the joy in their faces today but I feel lost in disappointment that I know they will soon face when they grow up and start putting the puzzle pieces together.
Not to mention the lonliness of being alone through the holidays when you are the type of person who loves giving and being a special part of anothers life. I know my patience and devotion to waiting for God’s plan will pay off but sometimes it just gets rough.
On the other hand, I am so grateful to my family. I am still living with my parents, the 3 of us in one room so we had a hilarious time trying to leave all of the proper Santa trademarks and gifts in the very bedroom they were sleeping! Mom and dad made sure I was taken care of by Santa too and had left some extra presents just for me. My stocking was full and so was my heart. My parents always protect me, always try to protect my feelings and my heart.
Our whole family came over…there are like 13 or 15 or some crazy number of us. We ate a ton and opened up one present at a time from beneathe the tree. It’s a slow but awesome tradition, ensuring each and every person gets a spotlight while its their turn.
Everyone went home for naps and then all reconveined at moms for a honey baked ham dinner. Another awesome tradition in our home. I am very blessed to be a member of this crazy family. The priorities are in line, maybe not perfect but pretty good to me. I look forward to the day to complete my little family and have someone by my side to soak all of this in. Until then, keep looking up, having faith and knowing it will be worth the wait.
Merry Christmas.
Today was just one of those days I guess. I remain grateful and happy that I am healthy, strong and have an absolutely wonderful family.
Sometimes I just get in a funk and am not sure how I got there but I’d sure like to hop on out. Sometimes life is just tough and you have to take the bad with the good.
So…let’s focus on the good, shall we…
I am fully healthy and strong. As are my children and close family.
My children do the sweetest and silliest things throughout the day that just make me proud and usually laugh my butt off.
I may be unsure of a lot of my future but I know I can be happy and I know I will be ok….although I do occasionally need to be reminded.
When life gets discouraging and tough, I can remember it is going to thicken my skin and make me stronger.
Someday I will look back after these bumpy times have settled and be proud of how I got through it and the decisions and commitments I made.
I have been traveling pretty much nonstop for about 3 weeks and primarily without my computer so I have a lot to say but not enough time to write so here goes a lot of completely random thought I want to purge…
Church…kinda miffed (but trying to have compassion) by the people who get angered or annoyed when our Pastor preaches anything to do with money. Thoughts: do you know how often Jesus used finances in his teachings?…a lot! …also, black and white…how do you expect the church doors to stay open people? Does our Pastor drive a Benz and flash a Rolex? Thankfully the answer in no. Have some faith in the staff we trust our faith to. Seriously. ITs easy to take, take, take when you are in church…try giving.
Vegas-Got my traveling juices flowing again. I forgot how much I love traveling and getting out to do new things! I am already trying to figure out where and when I go get out again.
People-I have met some interesting people in my travels. Something else I miss. People are such a unique study. How they got to where they are and where they hope to go. I could sit for hours on end in a real and honest conversation with almost anyone. I have enjoyed my new friends.
Kids-Every day I am happy to say I fall more and more in love with them. It took me a long time to adjust to the role as mother but now it is just me and I love it. Everyday my son says the cookiest, pure things that just crack me up! And my daughter is every bit of the words pure, joy and sweet all wrapped up in one.
Family-had a rough week or so with some medical scares. There arent many in our family so when it happens it is tough but also so cool to watch everyone come together like a finely tuned machine! I love them and am glad everyone is ok.
God-Words leave me. Simply wonderful. I will never comprehend the love and mercy.
Work-Inspired to get things going again and get the creative juices flowing.
The Adventure Called Me-Happy. Don’t get me wrong, lots of hard times and sad moments but I am actively trying to better my life and get back to the fun-loving, joyous Carla.
I have been motivated lately to be a positive change…one that I envy in others. I have a terrific life. I want to remember that every day.
I have a husband who adores me and would give his soul to save mine. I have children that cry when I leave them and come to me to kiss their boo boos. I have family who are tight, strong, and unconditional. I have a beautiful roof over my head. I have a luxurious bed to rest my head on. I have a safe and comfortable vehicle that my children and I enjoy daily without a care.
I have a church family for the first time. I have friends that I can call at 11pm because I am in need. I have people to laugh with, people to cry with. I have great health. My family is in great health. I am not in need. I can afford to buy my family what they need. I can afford to give to others.
I have so much. I tend to be a negative person. I never knew how hard real life was but I am here and I am going to conquer it. I will not be beaten down. I can do this. I am young, time is on my side. (Next time I am down…remind me to re-read this!)
In the end, I am grateful.
So I have begun my bucket list and since so have a few of my friends. Ok, Sappy McSappersons. After reading theirs I feel like I have to go write a whole new one so I don’t look like a selfish and unloving mom! Thanks a lot! I guess my bucket list is focused more on personal achievement not involving anyone else. Everyone elses are like all sentimental and crap. I thought I was the girl! (Oh, burn…hope you can take it!) Just kidding.
I think I will start a Family Bucket List. There are a ton of things I want to accomplish for them. I think it would be much harder putting them to words.
I would love it if more people would start these lists. It is neat to see what is important and exciting for other people. Let me know if you do!
So we just got the call today that Franc is going to be going out of town to New Orleans in a week and a half for his next film. I am super bummed.
He will be there for over a month. I am not sure how long exactly. This makes my life sooo difficult! Not to mention Franc’s life too. I know it is not the popular thing to say right now since Katrina but New Orleans is NOT a good place to be. Last time he had to work there post Katrina it was a nightmare. The desperation was driving people to do such terrible things. So needless to say I will not be going on the trip with him.
So…for those of you friends that are within driving distance…be prepared for me and my orphan family to show up on your doorstep looking for company! We have been fortunate enough to not have had to out of town for the past year which is amazing but now it is time. Yuck. I am getting so uneasy about the thought.
Well anyway, I will keep praying about it. God will put us where He wants us. (I am not very good about this process…I like to do it MY way! 
)
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