How Great Is Our God… January 8, 2009

Ya know, since these last 8 or so months since I have been actively pursuing Christ (not just being content as a benchwarmer) it has just been amazing.  I’ve been in the middle of the most difficult and trying times  in my life yet I have peace and joy.

God  has been so utterly faithful and He is continually working all around me everyday.  I was always so scared to really dive in head first and give it ALL up to Him but since I did…holy cow it’s been awesome!

I don’t know why I was so scared.  I truly understand the phrase “a peace that passes all understanding.”  Peace has been a very difficult thing for me to achieve in all of my life but not now.  Not after simply knowing He loves me and will protect me in all situations.  Life won’t be full of daisies (it sure isnt now) but eveen through it all…it’s worth it.

Merry Christmas? December 25, 2008

Today was hard. I’m not sure how to process my  feelings so I am turning here.  My family has fallen apart and I feel like I am trying to pick up the pieces and choke my way through the holidays…desperately trying to make it special and as happy as possible for them.

I want to enjoy the joy in their faces today but I feel lost in disappointment that I know they will soon face when they grow up and start putting the puzzle pieces together.

Not to mention the lonliness of being alone through the holidays when you are the type of person who loves giving and being a special part of anothers life. I know my patience and devotion to waiting for God’s plan will pay off but sometimes it just gets rough.

On the other hand, I am so grateful to my family. I am still living with my parents, the 3 of us in one room so we had a hilarious time trying to leave all of the proper Santa trademarks and gifts in the very bedroom they were sleeping!  Mom and dad made sure I was taken care of by Santa too and had left some extra presents just for me. My stocking was full and so was my heart. My parents always protect me, always try to protect my feelings and my heart.

Our whole family came over…there are like 13 or 15 or some crazy number of us.  We ate a ton and opened up one present at a time from beneathe the tree. It’s a slow but awesome tradition, ensuring each and every person gets a spotlight while its their turn.

Everyone went home for naps and then all reconveined at moms for a honey baked ham dinner.  Another awesome tradition in our home. I am very blessed to be a member of this crazy family. The priorities are in line, maybe not perfect but pretty good to me.  I look forward to the day to complete my little family and have someone by my side to soak all of this in. Until then, keep looking up, having faith and knowing it will be worth the wait.

Merry Christmas.

Just an Overall Update August 31, 2008

Things have been moving at the speed of light for us these days!  So busy, places to go and people to see! 

It has been very interesting for me lately because eventhough a major part of my life is falling to pieces and it is most definately the hardest time of my life…I am gaining more confidence, pride (the good kind!) and  just feeling altogether okay.

I have managed to learn how to try out letting things go to God and learning how to achieve peace even when things are hard.  Now, I am not claiming I am great at it but for now this is what I have and I feel that HE thinks its good enough!

I have moments that I give into anger or  hurt but the difference now is that If I do, I recognize it and quickly change my behavior.  It is so freeing to know if you give it up truly that you will be alright.  No matter how huge the problem is!

So…things are hard, sometimes I do get overwhelmed with not being able to see any light at the end of the tunnel but I am practicing faith and I believe there is a light!  That is huge for me!

Today I met God July 15, 2008

At the risk of seeming hypocritical…
Current mood: impressed

 

I don’t claim to be anywhere near perfect or your ideal Christian girl but I know I try my best.  (most of the time)

Lately I have felt a pull to come “back to center” I guess you could say and try to reevaluate what is important to me.

To me, life is a series of ups and downs…I want to try and make my life full of more up and less down!

Within the last few days I have been begging God to reveal Himself to me and help me see Him, hear Him.  I have never truly sought this with everything I am.

I asked for something very specific last night almost expecting to be let down I think.  Almost like a test.  The difference in this test was how pure and honest my request and heart were.

Today, for the first time in my life, I sought and He was completely and utterly faithful.  Now, I know it is only the first time because I have never truly pursued, not because He ever left me.

I experienced my own God today.  Not faith I borrowed from my parents or riding on someone elses wings…today was just me and God.  That was a pretty amazing experience.

Now lets see if I can manage to accomplish this again without taking 25 years!!!  Ugh!

Amaaaazing! February 28, 2008

My husband and I somehow started this little thing with my 2 year old where we use the word “amaaaazing” in a certain tone of voice.  And ANYTHING can be amazing when you are two.  He told his Grandparents over the phone yesterday out of the clear blue that Mickey Mouse was amaaazing!  Who knows where it comes from.

Anyway, many of you who know me know I am a Christian.  But like everyone I am not perfect and sometimes I have a difficult time embracing all that it is to be a Christian.  A Christ follower.  Well, today I came home from “going blue” as I call it at the ladies bilble study and I walked into my house and found myself (not intentionally) saying “Wow, God, You are amaaazing!”  I wasnt trying to be silly but then when I heard myself say it I couldnt help but think of the times we have with our son.

I (unfortunatley) do not often say things like that.  It makes me uncomfortable.  I think it is because the people with whom I have known in my life who talk so “righteously” are usually the ones furthest from the Truth.  So to me, it is a very personal thing the way I feel about God because I think I may appear like them if I audibly praise Him.  Or that maybe people will expect me to be perfect… or even worse…. be malicious and wait for me to fail because I have put my faith out for others to see.

I don’t know what is right or wrong here but I think I will start at caring less what people may think.  Trying to learn to accept myself with all of the bumps and bruises.  Really knowing and embracing the fact that I am imperfect and God really does still love me just as I am.  I used to HATE when people said “embrace” something because it sounded so New Agey and Hollywood… but now I get it.  When used in this manner it is so appropriate and I could not think of a better more fitting word.

God has enlightened me to something specific today.  He actually spoke to me.  (No, not audibly, dummies.)  But it was so clear the feeling I had it was amaaazing!  And you know what…I am going to follow through with it.  I am going to have faith and listen.  Hows that for being preachy! Listen to me go!  (I bet I just lost 50% of my readers because of it too!  Ah well!) 

PEACE and Embrace  (ehehehehhe)

Auntie Anne Beiler “Twist of Faith” February 21, 2008

A good friend of my folks has recently come out with a new book that looks into the heartbreaking past and plentiful future she is living.  Some of you may recognize her by her famous soft pretzels, Auntie Anne’s Soft Pretzels.  As you probably know my parents have both spent 15 years working for the corporate end of the company and it has been a constant in my life.  She is an amazing woman whom I respect and admire more than I can put into words here.

The book is not out yet but she had graciously sent my mom an early copy this week.  I picked it up and well…that was the end of me until I had turned every page.  It is her story.  An amazing one it is.  I don’t want to go over details because I think it would bless anyone who decided to pick it up for themselves.

The kinds of things she endured and lived through and allowed God to deliver her from are intense.  She was raised in a Mennonite Amish community and just has an extremely unique and touching story.  I hope you will check it out.  It teaches love, faith, courage, forgiveness, shame, pain, and so much more.  I have been glued to it all day.  It also can inspire you to chase your dreams no matter what kind of odds are against you.

It is not a “religious” book or preachy, just real.  Raw.  I hope you will check it out.