So this is something I rarely talk about anymore. But I am at a point where I question my beliefs in this matter. Tell me what you think.
I have a dear friend whom I have known longer than anyone else in my life besides my family. We played as kids, planned our weddings to out favorite New Kid On The Block, and planned raising our babies together someday.
Well sometime in her teens she took a turn for the worse. She went from the all American Girl next door to a troubled girl who found identity in bad people. She quickly deteriorated and fell harder and faster ever day. Her parents tried desperately to step in and did everything in their power to save her but it was too late. She had made up her mind.
She wasnt out of her teens when she got pregnant with her daughter. She tried cleaning up but it never took. She continued to barely get by and make bad decisions. A couple of years later she found herself pregnant again. By then she was even worse. When her son was 4 months of age she basically asked her mom if she could watch her kids for the night which turned into forever.
Almost 3 years have gone by since that night. She has hit an all time low. She is in jail, again and I am sure it will not be her last. Unfortunatley jail is probably the best place she could be considering the alternatives would be walking the street corner with a pimp.
I never would have thought I would even know anybody with a story like this and this is my best friend. She has done countless terrible things to her family as well as mine. Countless fake attempts to get get clean only to realize she never had any real intentions and it would rip us apart.
I recently received an update on her and it got me thinking about how I feel about her. Last I saw her I was dropping her off at a help center saying good riddance. She had done me and my family wrong one last time and was not going to be made a fool of again. She walked away unaffected.
It breaks my heart that my friend doesnt care that she is hurting me. (Not to even mention her own children and family) It makes me feel like I am not worth anything to her. Like our dreams we planned as kids were just a game. She was my maid of honor but I guess I will never get to be hers like we had planned. I feel abandoned. And the worst part is what she chose over me…a pimp who beats her and random men who abuse her and friends who could never care for her like I do.
I just have a little guilt setting in because I don’t know how to forgive over and over. Iknow I need to but i am confused what to do after that. I have written her off and have made that overly clear to her. On the other hand I still have that deep desire to see her come around and clean up. I wonder if I am doing the right thing. Is this tough love or just being mean?
Her poor parents are getting roped into another upsetting facade as we speak. Now that she is in jail again she starts calling home. (Keep in mind this is the ONLY time they hear from her) Of course she found Jesus…for the 28th time and wants to get her act together. Bull.
Have any of you dealt with stuff like this? Would you continue letting her come back only to probably hurt you again?
