What True Love Looks Like September 29, 2008

So at first glance all you seem to be looking at is a random office desk, some files and a microwave…right?  Not to me.  You see…look at the left hand side of the photo and you will see a unopened water bottle gently placed atop a randomly  placed microwave…amongst office supplies…strange…?  Not to me.   …let me go back a step…follow me here…

For those of you who do not know…I have recently moved in with my children to my mother and fathers home due to a recent divorce.  Life has been tough but we are loved and extremely grateful to have the unconditional support we receive in this home.  So…my 2 children and I share one bedroom and on nights when I need extra good sleep…which is pretty much every night…my dad allows me to crash on the bed in his office to escape the nighttime grunts and moans of the children….

keep followin me here…

Oftentimes my dad will hear me make my nightly trips (or super early trips) down to the fridge…making a bottle like a zombie…sticking it in the microwave and trying to rush back up the stairs without injuring myself in my sleepy stuper to get the bottle in the mouth before one child wakes the other…exhausting.

So…today I come up to my little office getaway (which is usually less than relaxing with papers flying from one end to the next)…to find everything at peace, organized, and restful…so I thinking “wow, dad was ambitious today!”…and then I look over and my heart melted.  He had done this for me. 

Strategically placed between the desk and the filing cabinet is a lovingly placed microwave…for heating the midnight bottle… along with an unopened bottle of water…to keep me from having to run the gauntlet.  He never says a word, just wants to show love.

Some people want diamonds or elaborate vacations…this is true love.

Just One of Those Days August 10, 2008

Today was just one of those days I guess.  I remain grateful and happy that I am healthy, strong and have an absolutely wonderful family.

Sometimes I just get in a funk and am not sure how I got there but I’d sure like to hop on out.  Sometimes life is just tough and you have to take the bad with the good.

So…let’s focus on the good, shall we…

I am fully healthy and strong.  As are my children and close family.

My children do the sweetest and silliest things throughout the day that just make me proud and usually laugh my butt off.

I may be unsure of a lot of my future but I know I can be happy and I know I will be ok….although I do occasionally need to be reminded.

When life gets discouraging and tough, I can remember it is going to thicken my skin and make me stronger.

Someday I will look back after these bumpy times have settled and be proud of how I got through it and the decisions and commitments I made.

My Boy July 10, 2008

It’s been a while and I’m not even sure how ready I am to update this regularly but something so touching and slightly heartbreaking just happened.

Since I have been gone, I have been separated from my husband for 2 months now and have moved in with my folks along with the kids.

Everyone’s focus has been on making this as easy of a transition as possible for the children who are almost 3 and newly 1.

Tonight is night 2 in our new situation at the folks and my son had a little bit of a rough time getting settled in. I went up to check on him and see what was wrong and I think it was just he needed to know what the routine was now that things have changed.

We talked it over and as I thought we were clear I started to walk away and I hear… “mom? is this my home?”  Wow.  I sometimes forget how incredibly in tune he is to emotions and life changes. 

I came back and went over the new “adventure” we were on and what he could expect from here on out.  Afterward, he seemed to calm down and relax a bit more.

It hurts so deeply to know their lives are in turmoil but I just have to do what I feel is best for us all overall.

I love my little boy and girl. They are such special children.

Great Night, Cool People June 1, 2008

It’s been so long since I have been able to go out, enjoy some food and music with good friends.  What a great time tonight and a rockstar babysitter too!  Love it when things come together!  Long time overdue!

 I am so proud of my kids too.  To have the perfect children for babysitters makes a momma proud!  Balance is a good thing in life…just figuring it all out now.

When Peace Is Tough May 26, 2008

…When you have just endured an emotional and mentally draining weekend and you are left sitting on the couch with 2 outrageously screaming children in their rooms.

I mean I am practicing every technique I know right now and am still about retire to the corner to cry.    

Quick Overview… May 18, 2008

I have been traveling pretty much nonstop for about 3 weeks and primarily without my computer so I have a lot to say but not enough time to write so here goes a lot of completely random thought I want to purge…

Church…kinda miffed (but trying to have compassion) by the people who get angered or annoyed when our Pastor preaches anything to do with money. Thoughts: do you know how often Jesus used finances in his teachings?…a lot! …also, black and white…how do you expect the church doors to stay open people?  Does our Pastor drive a Benz and flash a Rolex?  Thankfully the answer in no.  Have some faith in the staff we trust our faith to.  Seriously.  ITs easy to take, take, take when you are in church…try giving.

Vegas-Got my traveling juices flowing again.  I forgot how much I love traveling and getting out to do new things!  I am already trying to figure out where and when I go get out again.

People-I have met some interesting people in my travels.  Something else I miss. People are such a unique study. How they got to where they are and where they hope to go.  I could sit for hours on end in a real and honest conversation with almost anyone. I have enjoyed my new friends.

Kids-Every day I am happy to say I fall more and more in love with them.  It took me a long time to adjust to the role as mother but now it is just me and I love it.  Everyday my son says the cookiest, pure things that just crack me up!  And my daughter is every bit of the words pure, joy and sweet all wrapped up in one.

Family-had a rough week or so with some medical scares.  There arent many in our family so when it happens it is tough but also so cool to watch everyone come together like a finely tuned machine!  I love them and am glad everyone is ok.

God-Words leave me.  Simply wonderful.  I will never comprehend the love and mercy.

Work-Inspired to get things going again and get the creative juices flowing.

The Adventure Called Me-Happy.  Don’t get me wrong, lots of hard times and sad moments but I am actively trying to better my life and get back to the fun-loving, joyous Carla.

 

Brain Freeze: Overload May 12, 2008

So much to say, not enough time.  Wouldn’t know where to start.  Come back later.  Got to wait for the brain to sort through the junk mail.  Darn brain spam.

 

Miss my church and friends.

Vegas wedding weekend was fun.

Apple was an amazing bride and Tony rocked the house. Superstars.

I slept way to little.

So happy to be back with my children.

Super thoughtful huisband drove 16 hours to surprise me with my kiddos when I got home so I could see them before Mother’s Day ended.  Super awesome.

I am beginning to like myself a little more each day.

I am proud of the kind of mom I have become.

I have been finding comfort in making mistakes and looking to my little pink BIble to find the answers.

Loved Loved Loved seeing my bff Kami as my date in Vegas after 3 years of missing her!

Heard a great saying that I will choose to live by… “Do things that make for better stories!”  

So much more, be back after naptime.

Crazy Beautiful April 29, 2008

That is how I can explain today.  It was disastrous but I’ll take it.  In the end I have my children and I would rather have a bad day with them than a good day by myself.  An amazing word that I have come to love and appreciate is “perspective.” 

Sometime I contemplate putting the word accross my forearm as a constant reminder.  It is such a relevant word, ya know?!

I have come so far in my own mind.  I still suffer from retarded social mess syndrome (it’s a serious condition) but I am learning to just laugh at it and not take myself so seriously.  You know…remove the stick.  Permanently.  I don’t know if I will ever be considered a happy go lucky, free spirited type but I will aim for happy and content.  That is a feat in and of itself!

PEACE OUT, YO!  hehe

 

 

 

Moment of Shame or Hilarity…? April 5, 2008

So my sons new thing is to make his baby sister laugh.  Well, with the help of his bigger cousin he picked up the newest method of little sister entertainment…you ready for this…?  Seriously?  (Warning…for those of you not with this generation of music it may soar right over your head…youre not missing out on much!)

So we are riding in the car (seems to be a common scene of the crimes) and my 2.5 year old looks at my 9 month old and busts out…  “furrrrrr…..low, low, low, low, low, low, low…!”  And the even better part (or worse!) she loved it and cracked up!  So…you guessed it…he sang it over and over and over!  Aaaahhhhh!!!!!!!!

 

Keep This Vibe April 1, 2008

I have been motivated lately to be a positive change…one that I envy in others.  I have a terrific life.  I want to remember that every day.

I have a husband who adores me and would give his soul to save mine.  I have children that cry when I leave them and come to me to kiss their boo boos.  I have family who are tight, strong, and unconditional.  I have a beautiful roof over my head.  I have a luxurious bed to rest my head on.  I have a safe and comfortable vehicle that my children and I enjoy daily without a care.

I have a church family for the first time.  I have friends that I can call at 11pm because I am in need.  I have people to laugh with, people to cry with.  I have great health.  My family is in great health.  I am not in need.  I can afford to buy my family what they need.  I can afford to give to others.

I have so much.  I tend to be a negative person.  I never knew how hard real life was but I am here and I am going to conquer it.  I will not be beaten down.  I can do this.  I am young, time is on my side.  (Next time I am down…remind me to re-read this!)

In the end, I am grateful.