An Letter To “I’d Rather Not” July 31, 2008

In response to what you wrote and to the private note sent through the social networking…

I have a pretty good idea who you are and why you may have felt it necessary to be anonymous…then again…i could be way off.

I am extremely guarded at this moment and am not comfortable to let someone unknown into my private world and webpage. 

I hope you feel comfortable enough to reveal yourself to me.  I am grateful that you care enough to make this effort.

Carla

Today I met God July 15, 2008

At the risk of seeming hypocritical…
Current mood: impressed

 

I don’t claim to be anywhere near perfect or your ideal Christian girl but I know I try my best.  (most of the time)

Lately I have felt a pull to come “back to center” I guess you could say and try to reevaluate what is important to me.

To me, life is a series of ups and downs…I want to try and make my life full of more up and less down!

Within the last few days I have been begging God to reveal Himself to me and help me see Him, hear Him.  I have never truly sought this with everything I am.

I asked for something very specific last night almost expecting to be let down I think.  Almost like a test.  The difference in this test was how pure and honest my request and heart were.

Today, for the first time in my life, I sought and He was completely and utterly faithful.  Now, I know it is only the first time because I have never truly pursued, not because He ever left me.

I experienced my own God today.  Not faith I borrowed from my parents or riding on someone elses wings…today was just me and God.  That was a pretty amazing experience.

Now lets see if I can manage to accomplish this again without taking 25 years!!!  Ugh!

In The End July 13, 2008

…it doesn’t even matter. 

Today I took one point away from church that I hope I will hold onto forever.  What really matters.

At the end of your day, when you sit down and reflect, how much of what you did that day matters for eternity?

I am completely guilty of getting caught up in the stupid things.

My Boy July 10, 2008

It’s been a while and I’m not even sure how ready I am to update this regularly but something so touching and slightly heartbreaking just happened.

Since I have been gone, I have been separated from my husband for 2 months now and have moved in with my folks along with the kids.

Everyone’s focus has been on making this as easy of a transition as possible for the children who are almost 3 and newly 1.

Tonight is night 2 in our new situation at the folks and my son had a little bit of a rough time getting settled in. I went up to check on him and see what was wrong and I think it was just he needed to know what the routine was now that things have changed.

We talked it over and as I thought we were clear I started to walk away and I hear… “mom? is this my home?”  Wow.  I sometimes forget how incredibly in tune he is to emotions and life changes. 

I came back and went over the new “adventure” we were on and what he could expect from here on out.  Afterward, he seemed to calm down and relax a bit more.

It hurts so deeply to know their lives are in turmoil but I just have to do what I feel is best for us all overall.

I love my little boy and girl. They are such special children.